On not being obese

I am obese.

For 2 years now I've struggled with that statement. My BMI was right at 31, making me obese, no matter how slightly. I was a statistic. Just another unhealthy, obese American heading towards a life of blood pressure medications and daily finger pricks.

My husband is greatly opposed to the BMI system. He never misses an opportunity to make sure I know it's flawed. He always would tell me not to worry about it but then I'd get on the wii board for my weekly weigh in and that high pitched mechanical voice would say 'that's obese' and my heart would sink. I knew I had to wait until Kohl was born before working on the problem but it still was depressing.

When Kohl hit 3 weeks old I started working out. Everyday for an hour a day I will do cardio and strength training with the promise of no longer being obese in the near future. When I left the hospital I had 16lbs exactly left to reach that goal. I was already down 14lbs so I was feeling pretty good about my August 31st goal date.

I can do this. I have to do this. Not just for myself but for my children. I don't want them to grow up being teased the way I was. I wont allow it.

Weekly post-partum weigh in # 7:

Every week I've gotten closer and closer to my goal. Dropping more and more closer to the 30lbs lost that I need to be to be put back into the overweight category.

I am never confident when I step on the scale. I replay every binge I had that week. Every chip, every sweet I've eaten and regret not working out more on the weekends even though I know that I need that rest. I just know deep down that the number is going to go up not down and I'll be discouraged and not want to go on. What's the use in trying if it's not going to work?

I step on the wii board and stand as still as possible and wait to be told that I'm slightly off center (aren't we all.) I click on the button to take me to the next screen and wait anxiously as the wii board dramatically moves the line up the scale but then it stops just shy of the top bar.

"That's overweight"

Oh. My. Gosh.

The happiness those two words brought me is beyond anything I could ever describe. My next goal is to loose another 10lbs before August 31st. Then another, than another until I loose the 55lbs required for me to hear the only two words that obnoxious board could say that would make me happier. And in the meantime I vow that I will never again let myself go up into that obese category. Never again.